? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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