if you like me you must not know who I am
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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