I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
