keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
