he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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