Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
