it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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