Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
