i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
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