i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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