Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
