Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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