I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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