At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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