I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
