You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
please come you make the beer taste better
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
