Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
