I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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