I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
