I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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