I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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