you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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