next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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