found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
