To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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