You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
