So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
