I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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