eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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