I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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