you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
