After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
