I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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