Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
