Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My balls are so social today.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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