Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
