Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
