We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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