apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
