I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
