If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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