drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
