i jhust puked up my retainher.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
