Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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