So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
