i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
