Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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