I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
