I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
