just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
