I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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