just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
