I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
