first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
