I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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